Married Mac Hottie ... Aren't They All?

And now that I've gotten your attention ... this pic's only eye-candy for my torrid tale of C-list lust (is there any other kind?) so just hear me out. About two years ago, the answer to my daughter's tireless bitching about not having Internet access was simple -- she needed a computer with plug 'n play capabilities that would save me hours on the phone with tech support and that meant a Mac. Hence, the adorable Justin Long. 

Okay, okay, he has nothing to do with my story ...  I just didn't have another picture to illustrate my point. Buying a Mac was the perfect solution as she'd have that dire necessity kids her age can't coexist without - i-Socialization skills - and I'd finally have some damn peace. Price was a consideration and I wasn't sure if I should buy new or used. Hundreds or thousands? Hmmm, tough call. After scouring the C-List for deals, I found a tad more than what I bargained for. 

A local graphic designer listed his extra G5 for only $175, which included a cheap computer table/desk. Done. We set up a time so I could check it out and let me tell you, this was a mighty fine piece of machinery. The seller, that is. "Paul" would no doubt give ol' Kevin Sorbo a run for his leather-clad loins. (See my "Hunka, Hunka Burning PVC" post.) Ooo, baby ... hands-down, this guy was totally hot. In all fairness, the Mac was in good condition too.

My, my, my -- what a potentially delicious situation we had here! Yeah right. Of course, there's always a catch. Said gorgeous guy was married to an equally good-looking-but-older (go figure), laid-back chick and they had two adorable little boys. And why wouldn't they? Isn't that the way Murphy's Law of Love 'n Lust works? Makes complete sense to me ... the good ones are either married or gay. What was so damn cute was how obviously in love they were -- they even called each other pet names. Jeez, it figures. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE? Adding insult to injury, both he and his wife were incredibly warm, nice, and helpful. They were hard to hate ... torture I tell y'a.

We chatted like old friends about all sorts of things ... in addition to the computer. I actually went back to their apartment twice 'cause originally I didn't want the stupid table, but then figured I could sell it myself. Duh. Though I swore I'd keep in touch with names of potential clients to help him/them out, I never did. But it was nice to know (surprise, surprise) the butterflies still exist. Um, hey Justin, you free?

No One Can Resist a Little Frame, Must, and Pixie Dust ... Can They?

"Selling six framed Disney posters ... perfect for a kid's room. Includes Pinocchio, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, Pocahontas, and Peter Pan. Size is 16" x 20"; take all for $20. Email for info."

Doesn't anyone give a damn about decorating their kids' rooms anymore? I thought these would be snatched in a second. Well, I was wrong ... about two years worth of wrong. Until I posted a PlayStation 1 game console on the C-List. We already owned a PS2, three Gameboys (maybe four, I forget), and Nintendo, so this was just ridiculous to keep. At first I was asking $65, but soon came down to $45 and finally $35.

After several postings, I had a bite. Some guy wanted to stop by and pick it up on a Friday night. Fine. Then he called back to reschedule for Saturday morning and asked if I had any baby items. Excuse me? He'd looked through my image site and said his wife really wanted to know if there was any baby stuff for sale. Sorry, I said, that ship sailed ages ago.

Anyway, when I was bringing the PS1 down to him, I got the brilliant idea to take the damn posters with me. Who could pass up the House of Mouse? (Please. Do me a favor and don't answer that.) Upon seeing the posters, his first reaction was "Where's the PlayStation?" I pulled it out and he paid immediately. No prob.

I said the posters were really the only baby items I had and threw in the perfunctory, "They look sooo adorable in a baby's room!" (Hell, I wanted to unload these suckers.) He nervously looked over to his car and said maybe he'd come back for the posters. I told him to take them all for only $20. He ran over to the car to check with his wife. Talk about whipped. Seconds later he was packing them in the trunk. We know who wears the Mickey ears in that family.

Potty-Training Woody Doll

Toy Story's Cowboy Woody Doll does a lot of things but would you ever guess potty training? Parents of toddlers take heart ... a pull-string might help the transition to pull-ups. Thinking I was clever when "Toy Story" first came out in 1994, I purchased two Talking Woody dolls - one for my daughter, the other to make my future eBay fortune. Yeah, right. 

Woody collected dust on the ol' C-list for years -- the only inquiries were from scammers or total flakes. Don'tcha just love the emails asking you to "find it in your heart to help a little girl who's sick"? Or, "I just bought my dad's medicine and can write you a post-dated check. I'm not a scammer. Really. Here's my eBay site." Honey, if you're smart enough to have an eBay site, just cough up the cash. Save your sob stories for someone who gives a damn. Seriously. 

And then about a month ago, boom. A note from a mom who said she promised her son a Talking Woody doll if he stopped wearing diapers and went on the potty. He did and now she had to keep her part of the bargain. I kid you not. Infant daughter in tow, she stopped by the next day to pick up Woody and said she would've promised the moon just so she didn't have to buy diapers for two kids.  

She also mentioned stores were no longer selling this doll. Which was news to me. She didn't want to deal with eBay shipping -- or so she said. Turns out the real reason (my opinion) mom was eager to bag this bargain was because on eBay my $35 doll was now $95.  Oh well, breaking even's not too terrible ... as long as it doesn't happen often. 

Tie One On ...

Most of the ridiculous crap I have was purchased for the sole purpose of being resold -- ah yes, that elusive eBay fortune I keep dreaming of. So what's with the vintage men's ties? I couldn't help myself ... it was the summer Carson Kressley was all about using men's ties as the latest uber-cool belt. And far be it from me to argue with the gospel of "Queer Eye."

So when my BFF and I headed out for some hardcore yard-saling, I saw dollar signs and couldn't pass them up. All 40 of them. After picking out a few of my faves, the rest were destined for the C-list. I posted, re-posted, and posted again. Ugh, I can't even remember how long it took to sell them. Sure, you get the wackjobs who say they're interested, but we know better. Then finally one rainy day last spring, this woman was having a cow over the damn ties. She picked them up that night and told me she was a total tie freak. Um, yeah. What she's tying up with those ties is a whole other blog.

Million Dollar Putting Green ... Not

This sold relatively fast, but with all the pics and details and (even more) pics the buyer wanted, you'd think I was selling the goddamn Hope Diamond. Jeez ... it's only a freakin' indoor/automatic putting green. Get a grip. Funny enough, I never posted any of the other golf equipment more than two or three times -- an old set of clubs, the caddy-wheelie thing, a Sunday golf bag. Thank god for golfers and small miracles. Now I just have to wait 'n see if the new and much larger set of clubs gets any use before banishing them to the C-list. Seriously, they just take up way too much room. And no, they're not on the balcony, smart ass.

Hunka, Hunka Burning PVC

Back in the 1990s when TV's "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys" made Kevin Sorbo's buff bod the wet dream of women the world over, show producers licensed hunky Herc onto every imaginable product. It was Christmas and my daughter, then six, knew how much I loved to drool over his perfect pecs. She reassured me that someday I'd meet him. As a joke, I purchased the 10" Hercules action figure, wrapped it up, and tagged it "To Mommy ... Love, Santa."

While tearing through her gifts on Christmas morning, she squealed with delight "Mommy! Mommy! Santa left you a present too!" Laughing to myself, I played along and opened the doll. She gasped. "You must have been very, very, very good," she surmised. The only response I could muster? "Honey, if I were that good Santa would've brought me the real thing!"  

Needless to say,  Kevin's moved on (as have I) and this  doll is just one of the many "collectibles" sitting in storage boxes that tower to the ceiling. Timespan on C-list? At least a good three years ... has no one else seen this damn show? Where the hell are all the toy collector geeks who go ga-ga over this crap? Beats me. Oh, you're one of them? (Oops.) Well, if you're interested, Herc is STILL for sale as of this posting. $45 or best offer takes him. Local/cash only; buyer picks up. Sigh ... how I miss his leather chaps and glistening biceps!

Speaking of Coach ...

Okay, this was the motherload of all motherloads ... it even tops the Neoclassic Dining Table fiasco. It started with my Coach obsession and the signature/leather duffle purchased at FULL PRICE from the Coach store. After the honeymoon phase wore off (about a week), I soon realized the limited amount of space in this bag. My love of all things Coach wasn't enough to overcome the Tetris-like effort it took to get my damn wallet in and out of this friggin' bag. Onto to the C-list it went. OVER TWO YEARS AGO!

Next was the Kate Spade Sam Bag purchased on eBay about five years ago. At the time, I thought it was uber-cool with those go-with-everything Cheetah spots. Unfortunately, I don't like bags without a zippered, foldover or otherwise complete top closure. The possibility that some lowlife could stick their mitts inside my bag was enough for me to say fuhgeddaboudit. Never used, this too was destined for life in the closet. Oh well, over it. I can't even tell you how many times I posted this damn thing on the C-list. MORE THAN TWO YEARS AGO!

Last, this LV roll bag with cute wristlet just didn't cut it for me. A gift from an ex, it wasn't hard for me to let go of it - or him - without batting an eye. Never used, I didn't think it would take long to sell on the C-list. THAT WAS WELL OVER TWO YEARS AGO -- MAYBE EVEN THREE! I stopped counting after a while ... . 

Now, don't get me wrong. There was plenty of interest in the Coach bag - but they were all flakes who thought they were doing me a favor by offering $100 to take it off my hands. Not happening. Seriously, how much closet space do you think I'm losing by keeping it? I vowed to hold out. I'm not saying I didn't lower the price (several times) but I just wasn't willing to go below $150 for a MINT condition bag that was originally $258 plus tax. The other bags initially had a few price inquiries, but no real takers. Whatever. I basically stopped listing them but left the pics on my photo hosting site. I almost forgot what closet they were stuffed in. (Not really.)

Until about a month and a half ago one Monday morning. A fashionista emailed and said she was interested in all three bags (are you freakin' kidding me?) and would be in my area on Friday. This was too good to be true. She emailed twice during the week and we scheduled a tentative time for a Friday night pick-up. 

Though we ended up playing phone tag for about 45 minutes Friday night (at which point I thought the sale was doomed), we eventually met and she scooped up all three bags to my utter astonishment - for the tidy sum of $300. What a coup ... three bags with one stone! Well, uh, you know what I mean. 

Vintage Rattan Payday

Talk about fun. I bought this 36" lazy susan-style glass-top rattan coffee table from the 1950s for a mere $5 at a yard sale where the owner didn't want to lug it back inside at 4pm. I played it cool by saying I just moved and had no idea if it would fit, blah, blah, blah. My take-it-or-leave-it attitude worked. She went from $20 down to $5 and was happy to unload it. Major score. Several years and many spins later, I decided wrought iron and glass was the way to go. Again, this was way before the dining table fiasco where I finally learned not to buy new before selling old first. 

I listed this sucker on the C-list for $65 and generated immediate interest. The first guy to respond promised he'd call me later in the week to schedule a pick-up. Meantime, a sweet little old lady really loved the table and wanted to come up the next night when she could get her son to drive her. I emailed guy #1 to confirm and got no response. What to do? I wanted it off the balcony ASAP. Should I wait and possibly risk NOT selling it at all? Guy #1 didn't respond and we all know this town's full of flakes. 

So, the fastest bird got the worm ... sort of. It was great seeing it go to someone who gushed about how much she loved the damn thing - at a very nice profit, I might add. Unfortunately, when guy #1 called back, he was kinda pissed I sold it. I don't blame him, and learned a big lesson from that sale. Now I say that if I don't hear back within 24 hours for a pick-up time, the next bidder wins. And if it makes you any happier, C-list karma kicked in and I've lost several "must-haves" to those that called before me ... so they said.

The $60 profit went toward my own C-list find ... a wrought iron table snagged for $75. They originally wanted $125 - yeah, right. Can you imagine? So in the end, it was like paying $15 for the new table. I've since developed a yen for mid-century modern, but refuse to buy new before selling the old. When I do, you can bet I'll make my money back -- if not more. God I love this country.

Brand-New Coach Laptop Sleeve

This is the C-list at its absolute BEST. Okay, it was listed for about two months with random flakes contacting me to say they had to have it one minute and then canceling the next. Lowballing the price. Insulting my pictures. Ugh ... this is why I hate people.

But lightning finally struck this week when a woman who recently bought one of my old leather jackets emailed to say hi, how much she loved the "leath-a" (remember Stella from the last season of Project Runway?), and that she'd pick up the Coach sleeve tomorrow morning if I still had it. You can't ask for a better sitch. I brought it to work with me, she arrived as promised, and I even made $5 above the asking price 'cause neither one of us had change.

To tell you the truth, I would've returned the damn thing to the Coach outlet at some point within the next year or so -- I just didn't feel like driving all the way up there. I figured what the hell? If I can sell it on the C-list, it'll save me a trip. As you can well imagine, I made 100% profit to cover my time and original gas money. Hey, gas wasn't cheap this summer and she was thrilled. Who am I to stand between a woman and her Coach fix? 

Glass Neoclassic Dining Debacle

Let's not beat around the dust bunnies ... unloading this was a royal pain in the ass. My advice? Never, I repeat never, replace large pieces of furniture without disposing of what you have first. I thought I was cool, clever, and so HGTV after purchasing a rather large, espresso teak table to compliment my new mocha-colored walls -- before selling the 54" glass pedestal monstrosity already sitting in my dining room. Yeah, right. 

Not thinking it would take over a YEAR to ditch the designer albatross, I graciously found it a temporary home on my balcony. Big mistake. Until it sold, I couldn't hose down the damn balcony for fear of causing damage to the table. Inches of filth and 365+ days later, some lucky family fell in love -- and was actually willing to pay a fair price. Hell, I'm not a charity and giving it away practically free isn't in my vocab. Yes, there were plenty of requests to "take it off my hands for $100" or other C-listers scoffing at my asking price, but guess what? Screw them ... it's only dirt.

Crazy ... No Matter How You Cut It

Okay ... my deep, dark (not that dark, you pervs) secret's out. I can't begin to tell you how often I've shopped, posted and re-posted stuff for sale/purchase on my #1 fave hawk-fest, Craigslist. It's like a 24/7 endless yard sale and, quite honestly, I can't imagine life without it. Sad you say? I totally agree ... there must be a life out there just waiting for me to grab onto it. Damned if that's happened.

When you have as much crap to get rid of as I do, there's no better place to unload it. From furniture to freebies, you'd be surprised at what you'll find. Or maybe not. But after a couple of years, I thought it would be fun to document my adventures and not-so-cool tales of this bizarre bazaar. Believe me, the ol' C-list is never at a shortage for wackjobs.